poems - reconciliation

When I didn’t want to know anything of you
and shouted out I didn’t wanna
have anything to do with you;
when I yelled “where are you God,
if you really exist, show up”
you answered me,
although not when I wanted.
Even though I didn’t wanna read
that black covered book,
you sent me your word on other ways,
tracks that I beat out and so often
take me far form you.
On this path you came and
met me, and told me:
"Hey, I know what you want,
you wanna be fulfilled,
you wanna have a sense in life,
you wanna be under my shadow;
your prayer did not get into
the “expired prayers” department.
No, you are in my plan,
you are under my protection and
I will guide you.
Happiness, away from me,
is just an illusion,
you felt this by yourself,
you think you are happy,
but I know you, in the deepest of your
heart you still long for me.
Therefore come back,
be my friend again,
just in my presence you will have peace,
come and let me tell you some more few things,
things that you need,
come again on my knees
to speak to you,
the way I once used to do it.
Lay up my words in your heart,
believe them, have I ever lied to you?
Have I ever left you aside?
Come into my arms again,
lemmie grant you my warmth;
rest your head on my chest.
Come to clean up your clothes,
where you have been you got dirty;
there is no need for you to get dirty again,
I’ve already given you a new coat,
where's the new coat I gave
you the day you were born?
Come home, I will wash all this mud away.
This is not your home, I haven’t born
you to wander astray on these roads,
come home.
Your home is where I am.
You are my precious daughter,
and I want to give you the honor
to be useful in my service.
I will bless you and
extend your territories,
my hand will be with you in everything you do
and I will keep you from harm
so that you will be free from suffering.
I will fill you with joy,
peace and hope because I,
your father, will take care of you.
Trust me,
my strength is in you,
together we will succeed.”

Lord, I don’t deserve you
to seek me over and over again.
You lift me up and strengthen my soul,
you remind me who I am:
your child, your inheritor.
I don’t deserve anything,
“but with boldness I come because of
your blood which is now all over me”,
I want to let go of everything in my hands
and to abandon myself with all that
I am in your hands,
please take control
upon my life,
you are my sole friend,
who understands me,
who never forsakes me
nor judges me.
Please come into me and
wholly fill me.
I thank you for not
remembering my sins
and for bringing me back all over again.

With all of my heart given to you,
Sabina, your daughter.
22 Jan. 2006

i come back again... and again....and again....oh God how long